IF INSTAGRAM, TWITTER, FACEBOOK AND TIKTOK WERE HUMANS

Have you ever thought about what it would be like if Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and TikTok were actual human beings? Just imagine them sitting together in one room, the drama and the chaos omg! They will all have different personalities but somehow, they’d still find a way to stress us equally.

Let’s be honest, they’re all that one friend group that shouldn’t make sense but somehow does. The one that keeps you entertained, drains your battery and still have you coming back every single day like you didn’t just swear that you’re done with the app.

Instagram –

 The overly fine one who lives for validation. If Instagram were a person, she will be that friend that wakes up every morning looking like she’s about to attend a magazine cover shoot. Always smelling like money and pretending life is perfect even when she’s crying inside.

Instagram is that person who can’t eat until she has taken 37 pictures of her food. That person that will post “Lunch vibes” and the caption alone will make you feel like your own rice and stew isn’t aesthetic enough.

She lives in a world where filters are reality and her effortless beauty actually means 3 hours of lighting, posing and editing and her favourite line is “it’s giving soft life”, but behind the scenes, she is stressing over likes and checking insights like “why is my engagement low? Is the algorithm fighting me again?”.

But still, we can’t lie, Instagram is the fine friend. She is the friend who teaches you aesthetics, makes you want to dress better and somehow convinces you that taking mirror selfies at 2am is a productive behaviour.

Twitter –

If Twitter were human, he would be that one friend who never stops talking, but also whom you can’t stop listening to. The one who has an opinion on everything, from politics to football to whether Nigeria Jollof is better than Ghana Jollof rice.

Twitter is witty, sharp, sarcastic and slightly unhinged. He will give you breaking news before TVC does, but also give you a mental breakdown before 9am. What’s supposed to be a leisurely hangout suddenly leads to seventeen arguments you didn’t plan for.

If Twitter were a person, he would live in a hoodie, drinking coffee like oxygen and type so fast like his life depends on it. His favourite clause would be, “I said what I said”. He never minds his business; a simple good morning can lead to “Of course you’d say the morning is good selfishly when some of us are suffering”, and this would lead to another long argument with dozens of opinions, some defending, some negating. And there it goes, on and on.

But we can’t deny that twitter is smart, he is the friend you go to for news, trends and chaos. One minute he’s dragging a celebrity, and the next he is raising funds for someone in need. Unpredictable, exhausting but still the life of the group chat.

Facebook –

Ah, Facebook. If Facebook were a person, he would be that uncle who wears Ankara to every event, texts “Gud mornin my pipu” to the family group chat always and still thinks sharing minion memes is a peak humour.

Facebook is the OG, the one who holds our embarrassing throwbacks, and the likes of “Bamidele is feeling blessed with 99 others”, but now we call him the “Old taker”.

He is the friend who can’t move on from 2012, still posting bible quotes every morning, and still adding strangers as friends.

But you can’t play with Facebook because he is lowkey powerful.  May not be as trendy, but he is the reason your aunt knows every detail about your life. He will comment on your 2015 picture with “you’ve grown”, butsir that was 10 years ago!

If Facebook were a person, he’d be nosy. The type to start a sentence with “did you hear?”  and end with “share to ten people so your blessings won’t pass you by”.  But still we respect Facebook though, because without Facebook most of us wouldn’t have had our first social media heartbreak in secondary school.

TikTok –

Now, TikTok is that chaotic younger sibling whom everyone loves but can’t keep up with. If TikTok were human, she would be that friend who never sit still, always has a new dance trend and somehow convince you to waste two hours trying out crazy challenges.

TikTok is loud, funny and full of vibes. She talks fast, moves fast and doesn’t care about attention span. One minute it’s learning new recipes, the next minute she’s crying over an AI cat story, and then boom it’s “get ready with me to price a skyscraper as a gen-z who finished university at the age to 17.”

If TikTok were a person, she’d have a contagious energy, the one that makes everyone laugh at a party, start random challenges and still manage to get paid for it.

But TikTok is emotionally unstable. One day she’s spreading joy, the next day it’s “story time about how my engagement was destroyed by the person I least suspected”. Still, you can’t stay mad. If we’re being frank, TikTok is addictive. You’d tell yourself “Just five minutes” and suddenly it’s 2am and you’ve learned 5 new recipes, 2 conspiracy theories and a dance you will never perform in real life.

Now imagine these four in one friend group. Instagram would be showing off her outfit, TikTok would be practicing a dance challenge beside her with twitter ranting about both the new tax laws and wallpaper threads, and Facebook would be giving us his usual old man vibes. Every hangout would end up in arguments.

Instagram and TikTok would fight over who is more creative, twitter will be yelling “both of you are unserious”, while Facebook just sits there forwarding memes from 2013. When it’s time for a group picture, Instagram will direct the pose, TikTok would record a behind the scenes video, Twitter would caption it with sarcasm and Facebook would post it with the caption “Family is everything”. That’s the chaos and that’s why we love them all.

At the end of the day, we all have a bit of each app in us.

Someday we are Instagram, pretending our lives are perfect, posting highlights and acting like we’re not tired of adulthood.

On other days we’re Twitter, having our own opinions, being dramatic and ready to argue with strangers just to prove a point.

Sometimes we’re Facebook, nostalgic, emotional and just trying to connect.

And on our best day we’re TikTok, unserious, carefree and vibing to life.

So yeah, if Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and TikTok were humans, they’d be chaotic, exotic and slightly toxic, but they’d also be entertaining, relatable and somehow comforting, because no matter how much we complain, we can’t stay away from them or from the version of ourselves they bring out.

Because deep down, we’re all part of the social media’s chaos and happy moments. We laugh, we scroll and we over share.

Stay Jiggy. Stay Fresh. Stay Real.