THE CHRONICLES OF SAPA

We know, we know that it’s been awhile since your favorite dose of Meme therapy dropped. But we’re back like a salary at month end ( even though it disappears fast) . 

If you’ve been checking your bank app like it owes you an explanation, well congratulations, you’ve just unlocked the “Sapa Deluxe Edition”. 

This isn’t your regular “small broke” situation. This is the upgraded poverty experience. The one that makes you start giving glory to God for network failure because it’s saving you from another debit alert. Let’s dive into the five emotional stages of the chronicles of sapa because if we don’t laugh about it, we might cry. 

Stage 1 – The “just small debit era”

Yeah, it always starts small. A #3500 debit for data renewal, you ignore it. Then you order #2000 shawarma, you wave it off again. Before you know it your balance looks like the price of sachet pure water, ohh chim!

You open your bank app, the red notification mocks you. You refresh again hoping for a miracle credit but it’s just the same #73.24 kobo staring back at you. Even your bank app starts acting like it’s judging you, “Network error, please try again later”. Sis, stop pretending. We all know the real error is your account balance. 

At this point, you start deleting food delivery apps to avoid temptation. You even put your phone on silent because every call sound like “please send me something”. 

Stage 2 – Selective Amnesia 

This is when you suddenly forget social life exists. Birthdays? Who Dey celebrate?, you starting muting group chats to avoid contribution messages. When your friends say “let’s chill this weekend” your response is automatic “Awwn, next time!”. But deep down, we both know there’s no next time until payday. 

Your meals simplify too, indomie for breakfast, garri for lunch and golden morn without milk for dinner. You tell people you’re on clean eating, but it’s just cheap eating, it gets to the point where bread and groundnut suddenly taste like a buffet. 

Stage 3 – Financial Humility Activated 

Here is where reality hits harder than Lagos sun. You start checking market prices with spiritual attention. Tomato is now gold, pepper is diamond. You carry calculator to the market like a trader. Oh no!

You start changing your tone while asking for price. “How much is that?”, then “please is that the last price” follows. Even your prayer direction changes “Lord please touch the heart of the pos machine to approve my #1000 withdrawal”. 

At home, you start managing things differently. Toothpaste get folded, stretched and pressed from all angles. You pour water inside your body cream bottle for extra usage, Nepa comes and you start pretending to sleep. You have to find humor in this sapa chronicles because everyone around you is also broke, just in different fonts. 

Stage 4- The Prayer and Manifestation phase

This is where you start mixing vibes and spirituality. You will be broke, but still tweeting “Money will locate me this week”. 

You start using phrases like “My helper is coming” but deep down, you’re referring to your salary alert. Suddenly, you find yourself reposting the post you use to laugh at. “Type Amen and your financial breakthrough will come”. 

The funny part?, you type Amen with full confidence. You start manifesting wealth but can’t stop saying “God abeg make it quick”. You even consider crypto again, until you remember what happened the last time. But still you move, because Nigerians don’t quit we just rebrand our suffering into content. 

Stage 5 – Acceptance and Cruise 

Welcome to peace. You’re no longer hiding your Sapa. You’ve embraced it like an old friend. At this point, you’re broke but funny. You start using your situation for content. “POV when your account balance start looking like your shoe size” or “Me checking my balance before saying God when”. At this point let’s name it Sapa pro max!!. 

You begin to laugh at your pain because honestly, it’s cheaper than therapy. You post memes about being broke and still fine. You start telling people “we move!” because for real, what else can you do?. 

Somehow that laughter brings relief. That’s the real meme therapy, we turn our struggles into soft jokes because it’s the only way to stay sane in this economy. 

Jokes apart, Sapa has no tribe or religion. It visit everyone equally. From Lagos big girls to the tech bro in Enugu. One day you’re eating at chicken republic, the next day you’re calculating how many sachets of garri can last till Friday. Buying one beef Shawarma with hollandia youghurt now feels like a financial mistake, you start regretting and asking yourself why you bought it. 

Even celebrities catch it. One minute they’re posting vacations, the next they’re promoting skincare brands “Hey guys kindly use my promo code for discounts”. 

The truth is that everyone is one emergency away from Sapa. Rent, fuel, network subscription. Any of them can drag you back to reality, and when it happens, memes become the only way to cope. 

Stage 6 – The final come back 

Now back to reality, the final comeback. After every sapa season comes a small money season. You finally see that long awaited credit alert. You don’t even check the amount, you just start smiling like you won a lottery. Suddenly you’re generous again “make I buy small suya for the boys” Odogwu paranra!!. This is the  same person that was preaching about savings last week. Well it’s okay you’ve earned it. At least sapa built your character and taught you humility. 

Well if you’re reading this while calculating whether #500 can last you two days, breathe, you’re not alone. Every adult in Nigeria has experienced the chronicle of sapa at least once. 

The truth is that money comes and goes, but humor makes the ride easier. So keep laughing,  keep posting and keep surviving. Turn your hardship into vibes, so the next time you see debit alert, smile and whisper to yourself “This is just a character development, everyone go through this”. 

Stay Jiggy , Stay Fresh , Stay Real.